signs_unclear (signs_unclear) wrote in postcollegekida,

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quarter-life crisis = selfishness?

does quarter-life crisis equal selfishness?

i'm so frustrated right now.  i hate thinking about money and bills, and the more i hate thinking about it, the more i procrastinate on it...and SO the more bills i get behind.  it's an awful cycle, absolutely f*cking awful. 

worst part about it is that there is NO one else to blame but ME.  it's not that i don't necessarily have the money to take care of my bills...but looking at my bills depresses me...and looking at all the things i have spent my hard earned money on is like a slap in the face. when i open those bills, it's like the world yelling at me:  "You are IRRESPONSIBLE" "Why the hell didn't you save that?" "What the HELL are you doing?"

so today.....i want to make a change.  i really do.  i am sooo tired of stressing myself out by avoiding my bills.....and assessing all those late charges...etc etc.

today, i will face my weaknesses, i will face my bullshit, i will ultimately face MYSELF.  i have wasted this passed year avoiding all the growing pains i've been going through. okay, maybe not avoiding...but distracting myself as much as possible from it.   and those distractions were costly, they were fun at the time....but when i look back, were they really the answer to my all problems?  NO.  the only answer costs's time spent w/ with God, by myself.  My gosh, i used to preach how important it is for us to take time for ourselves.   i feel like i've been taking the right amount of time....but the quality of my alone time has been missing.  My alone time focuses totally on ME ME ME......when did i become so self centered and selfish?   when was the last time i looked beyond myself and reached out to another person without them approaching me first.

i have a lot of work to do.......i have a lot of cleaning up to do in my soul, in my spirit, in my head, in my whole freakin life....

anyone who's been through this.....what has helped you 'clean up' your act?

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